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 TOSS Awards 2018

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TOSS Awards 2018 Empty
PostSubject: TOSS Awards 2018   TOSS Awards 2018 EmptyMon 5 Mar - 17:20:33

The TOSS Awards were presented at Green Gables on the 3rd of March in a glittering event marked by lengthy discussions on the excellence of the door hangers’ trade and the wisdom or otherwise of horizontally striped sofas. A transcript of the presentation is reproduced here:

TOSS Awards 2018
Welcome to this year’s TOSSA’s; the thirteenth annual awards that are, as usual presented to recognise areas of achievement, excellence and bribery. A year that saw us complete a quest against chaos and heresy in the far future and begin a fight for survival in the gangland paradise that is the fair city of Doscval. No Bloodbowl this year but a large number of new categories, the first of which is:

The Most Unwise Collector of Almost Certainly Chaos Tainted Artefacts
Unwin who collected various highly dubious and clearly tainted books whilst searching the mansion built over what turned out to be a buried Titan.

The Most Dreadful Miss in Combat
Not as you might think a shoe in for Jen who is of course usually uncontested in this category (although of course my Character Donnabell Roft might have something to say about that), no this is a non-gender related award for combat incompetence regardless of the shape of the character’s naughty bits. He had a 95% hit chance on the zombie horde attacking us in the haematite cathedral and rolled a 99, then after spending a fortune point brilliantly re rolled with a 96 clearly a marvellous warrior to have your back in combat, Pickaxe Andal

Most Treacherous Departure from Combat
Nominated here, Gertrude, fleeing via the lift from the secret chamber below the mansion’s kitchen. She then brilliantly redeemed herself returning, and it’s not her fault that the lift crushed Toma Bobal’s severed head that had unfortunately just rolled under the lift platform, thus ending any possible chance of the medical servitor reattaching it.
Also nominated, Donnabelle, who fled the spirit banquet and the entire team except Unwin who fled the demons in the titan. But Gertrude is the winner.

Most Surprisingly Heroic Stand
And no one was more surprised than lonely, comradeless, Unwin, left to face the demons in the bowels of the titan Pax Macharia after the afore mentioned mass departure of the rest of the party.

Most Heroic Death
Sadly a number of nominations here
Decapitated Toma
Donnabelle killed by the phage firestorm
Gertrude killed by the demon during the fight against the phage, massive blood loss after losing a leg in the same final combat, but Donnabelle sneaks it.

Poorest Driver
As usual Jen’s character: This time for inept boatmanship on the canal system of Doscval Lyma Drass

Best New Adjective Deployed in a RPG
Only one winner here in the splendid new category for linguistic innovation and excellence: you’ve heard of great writing from a writer; great engineering from an engineer and great art from an artist? Well Sam is the winner here for coining the magnificent description of the impressive railway station in Doscval, which apparently is a very well architected building.

Most Brutal Murder
Hotly contested this one
John Smith for his shanking of the two Azure Lords attacking Drass and O’Haggerty in an alley.
The last Vond brother, run down on a railway platform and shot in the head six times point blank by O’Haggerty who had just witnessed Mr Vond killing his own brothers
Alan Smith who executed a red sash member in the Lochport arms
Drass who backstabbed a red sash member in a merchants shop and cut his throat during our kidnapping raid
Hagan who single handedly killed three Red sash gang members in the battle in the sewer pump room including one killed by a shotgun blast in the back of the head from Hagan’s favoured shooting distance of no more than thirty to 60. Millimetres.
John Smith decapitating the butcher Kobb Nobbs KG
Daf, saving Drass from a hammer wielding maniac emptying her magazine into his eye.
But the winner for importance of the kill too, Smith on Nobbs.

Most Awful Pun
The Name of O’Haggerty’s blood trader friend. Jul. Jul O’ Denial
Countless Fish puns by all except Alan Smith
Countless curry related puns around Lyma Drass
But the winner O’Haggerty answering the luckless Vond brother who asked ‘Do you expect me to talk’?’ to which O’ Haggerty gleefully replied ‘No Mr Vond, I expect you to die.’

The Most Reluctant Advocates of Independence for Skovland
The whole party except for Hagan

Most Impressive Debutante
Has to be Daf Cokmeister

Least Observant Look Out
Oberon, who failed to collect any useful information in a full week with his ear to the ground, and then failed to count the number of red sash gang members leaving to pay off the ransom

Most Reckless
Nominees here start with Daf, who threw a grenade during the assault in Slaughterhouse Lane despite listening to countless anecdotes of previous grenade related disasters, usually involving Kev. And in fact she is the only nomination so takes it.

Next, an emotional moment, the Most Moving Moment Award. Three nominees here:
Jen who is planning to move again despite having barely touched down in her new place
Phil who has moved continually since the last awards
Toby & Steph who relocated this year but Phil’s extreme efforts do not go unrecognised with his new nomadic approach to life

Finally, the popular vote part of the awards:
Conducted by secret ballot, the votes are for Best Player and Best GM. Remarkably close, everyone had at least one vote except Phil but the second and thirds gave us in reverse order:

Best Player Phil, Kev, Toby, Jen, Ian
Best GM Only Nominee Sam, the winner - Helga

Finally, awarded for the third time,
The Royston Avenue Motion Picture Academy of Nicholised* Television awards
*Television with no subtitles, animation or westerns allowed,

Very close, worst film as we know was awarded last year to Essex Space Bin (which did get one second place vote for best film) the following films all received at least one vote for best film: Baby Driver, Blade Runner 2049, Deadpool, Guardians of the Galaxy, Live Die Repeat and RIPD, so the top three in reverse order:

Joint Third: Live Die Repeat & Baby Driver Jen/Ian
Second: Deadpool Jen
Best Film: Guardians of the Galaxy Sam

Worst Film: Essex Space Bin
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