Simulated Simulation
Hi there everyone’s favourite Thri Kreen Wizard , K’ Mac N’ Vac-Kack here reporting on our continuing training here at the Spell jammer academy on Toril. As you will recall, our training had taken a realistic turn as we fought off a consignment of vile creatures intended to assassinate the old wolf himself. The only slight negative side of this was that we had in fact delivered said deadly assassins to his quarters.*
*If we are being really picky we also forgot to get him to sign for them.
Having received our rewards and healing we were relieved of further duties for the day and sent back to our quarters. We decided to stop off next door at the Weeping Goddess and descended back to the cadet barrack level through a complex buzzing with activity as squads of security personnel hurried through corridors and sailors rushed in all directions, urged on by the flashing blue alert lighting that flickered over chaotic scenes.*
*Have you ever noticed that when alarms sound people are never in the right place? E.G. Observe any scene involving rebel troops in Star wars films who typically run in opposite directions rather than stay where they are
One place no one was going, was the cadet hostelry, when we arrived the whole place was deserted, unfinished meals and drinks of all types scattered across tables and bar tops, some huge gif sized plates and drinks, others more modest. So we moved through the forest of abandoned food and drink to see the only remaining occupant, a gnome automaton.
Of course as cadets we were entitled to free food and drink which slightly took the edge off the pleasure of a free feast. Pablo somewhat amusingly selecting a drink by size of container took a good swig from what turned out to be, well we’re not quite sure what it was but opinions varied between washing up water and a giant spittoon.
Elethiel seized on a drink with an umbrella in it and I sensibly selected something sweet by the obvious expedient of having a good pre quaff* sniff. Had a chat with the auto bar keep who being fully networked was remarkably well informed. All cadets had been ordered back to quarters following an attempt on the old wolf’s life.
*Quaff: Like drinking but more spillage involved
We quizzed him about the thefts that Mr Blip had referred to, apparently there have been a large number but with no discernible pattern. A number of unauthorised entries have also taken place but no thefts resulted. This suggested to me that something was being searched for?
Pablo now moved on to food having decided that drink was a dangerous business.* The elf ordered some sort of creative cocktail as the bar tender’s discretion** resulting in a large multi layered schooner resembling a liquid knickerbocker glory, which she consumed with evident satisfaction.
*He was a hungry hungry hippo
**Something strong fruity and sweet she said
Probing further we discovered that items taken included navigation charts and Ryebeck , a well-known ship’s captain and slightly surprisingly, cook, had been a particular victim, losing a sacred object. Learning that the gentleman in question was a jif, Pablo was pretty certain that this object would be a weapon of some kind, probably a gun.
We asked if there were any clues, surveillance footage for example but got no result, security had been tightened but to no avail apparently. One theory as to motivation: Apparently the thefts are undermining the confidence of the Duke of Bal, one of the founders and principal current financier of the academy.
We return to our quarters next door although the elf seems to have some problems with basic motor function, coordination and vision, together with a 100 point reduction in IQ. I must try one of those cocktails myself. After pouring her into her sleeping couch I return to my homely slime cocooned bunk.
7AM next morning and we are on our way to breakfast in the refectory, hundreds of like-minded cadets have beaten us to it and queue patiently for breakfast. ‘Meat or Beans’ booms out continually across the noisy halls and we soon spot the giant Gif serving breakfast. This then is the fabled Ryebeck, the cook we heard of at the bar.
We join the queue and observe that whilst the imposing hippo continually demands an answer from the students, what he serves up appears to be the same ladle full of slop from the same container regardless. Seems the concoction is called Gunpowder chowder.
We find a seat at a table with a human who looks like Elvis Presley after a charisma by-pass operation. His name is Miken and judging by the books scattered around him, a warrior he ain’t. We chat to him and as we suspected he is a wannabee spell jammer and with delusions of inadequacy. He remarks on my undoubted prowess in the piloting tests yesterday but just as I am warming to him he adds that my performances in the other disciplines also made him feel better about himself.
Unbelievably my colleagues seem very keen on encouraging this human…well human. I think that says it all. He says his favourite spell is disguise self, demonstrating the depth of his confidence shortfall. He is from the planet below and speculates that there are many enemies who would like to destroy the academy. We cheer him up somewhat and I feel we have gained an ally/encumbrance/idiot for better or worse. We also overhear other cadets talking about simulation exercises today where groups will be pitted against each other.
So having breakfasted on Meat and beans and with Miken in tow, we are ordered to the simulation deck. We are briefed by our old friends Sereth and the cigar chomping bosun. This will be a competitive simulation against a number of other cadet groups. We are to navigate a debris field to find a wreck orbiting near the gas giant Colyer.
We then need to board her and find and recover the captain’s log. The vessel is the same one we crewed in the initial simulation when it was taken by raiders. Mr Blip is there too and hands out a chart and sketch of the log concerned to us and no fewer than 17 other groups, nearly all of which number more than four.
I will be the spell jammer of course, Pablo will captain the mission and the others will fill in as general hands/riggers/gunners. Sereth reminds us that all is an illusion as he begins the complex evocation to generate our simulation and suddenly we are on deck aboard a vessel created from the body of a giant hammerhead shark some 250 feet in length. We are docked atop the academy’s upper skydock and I attune to the command chair in preparation for lift off.
Pablo and I check out the nav chart and Pablo suggests a number of possible short cuts to ensure we get to the target more quickly. Who am I to argue? He’s captain and it’s all a game any way. Miken actually disagrees and points out there was no mention of survivors in the briefing so no reason to rush, just find the log and come back in one piece.
Pablo gives the order and we are underway, we pass close to a school of giant electric eels floating through the ether but I am able to steer safely away from them with no difficulty although we take a couple of inconsequential hits from energy discharges. Miken proves useful at stamping out a couple of minor fires.
We approach our destination under my rock steady guidance. But there’s an issue – the wreck is drifting amongst a cluster of asteroids and some tricky helmsmanship would be necessary to bring us alongside. We pulled up majestically in a flurry of 20s; the ship’s hull was intact but a lot of damage was visible at its extremities and the wreck although not generating an atmosphere envelope was partly obscured by haze.
Pablo and the elf board the vessel as I extend our life support bubble to cover both ships. They move to check the exits at the end of the main deck. Checking the left hand side first they find a chart room with damaged flooring. Searching they catch sight of what looks like the log on the far side of the cabin.
Now you have a clearly unsafe and damaged floor, already collapsed in places. You have a 300 pound Gif (and that’s his story) or a 90 pound elf you can send across, suitably rope anchored of course. You also have the ability thanks to yours truly to reduce/eliminate gravity in the area.
Do you:
a) Send the lightweight elf across for the log
b) Send the enormous hippo
c) Switch off gravity so it doesn’t matter who you send.
Well, unbelievably Pablo decided option b was the way to go. Fortunately once the gravity was substantially reduced the elf helped him wriggle free and extricate him from the hole created when he fell spectacularly through the dodgy floor, and we easily recovered the log.
The away team return triumphant and I edge away from the wreck, however as I fail to retract the envelope first a gravity imbalance is created and the wreck begins to tilt towards us, requiring some nifty maneuvering on my part to ensure we clear the danger. Exiting the asteroid cluster once again is a breeze, and another school of electric eels are effortlessly cleared.
We continue on course for home when suddenly a pink squid like vessel bursts into view on an intercept course. As it closes we can see it is a githyanki pirate. All hands set to loading our mangonels and the ballista but we can see the approaching ship though slightly smaller and slower outguns us, and has a far larger crew judging by the githyanki we can see aiming their weapons.
We consider our options: fight or flight? The vessel is quartering in on us from our ten o clock position and cutting us off. Ramming is an option but that would inevitably mean boarding and we can estimate we would be outnumbered three to one. The pirate swings into our path, turning to either ram or board.
I sideslip to port and nose down below the attack. We get the better of the first exchange of fire but now we are headed home again with the pirate swinging round 180 degrees to pursue. As I don’t need to sit in the chair to run the ship I open up with fire bolts on the pursuing ship, setting fire to one of the forward weapons. We can bring our forward ballista to bear still by fully rotating it, plus the rear mangonel, whereas they have two of each they can use against us.
The range continues to open out agonisingly slowly, Pablo identifies the enemy captain and wounds him, I score more hits with firebolts though the first fire has died. Then a lucky firebolt from me hits the enemy spell jammer – he must have been knocking back a glass of whiskey at the time as he goes up like a torch and the ship reduces speed and its atmosphere begins to collapse.
Unfortunately they have a second spell jammer and their situation quickly stabilises and they continue to fire on us. Pablo uses guidance to try and improve our accuracy and Miken manages a critical hit with a mangonel shot and the enemy lose both their mangonels before we move out of range, one critical failure amusingly fires a luckless githyanki pirate through our envelope and beyond.
By the time we are out of range the pirates have lost all weapon systems and their vessel is extremely battered. We have taken more than 60% damage ourselves though nothing critical. Not long after we lose contact we pick up something else ahead: It’s a shark class transport like ourselves, but it is drifting and lit by occasional flashes as random energy discharges from its control system indicate that all is not well.
As we close we shout to the cadet crew we can see on deck. They have been damaged by electric eels. We pull up alongside, their gravity/oxygen envelop beginning to fluctuate. We pick up the crew and Pablo and Miken board to see if the ship can be saved. Miken quickly calls the situation as critical and they exercise the better part of valour pdq. Shame I would have thought Miken could have stayed aboard to make a proper salvage attempt.
We edge clear to give some distance before engaging the main drive and we are only thirty or forty metres away when the vessel implodes in a manner suggestive of complete lack of proper restraint on the special effects budget. And then …. Reality bleeds back in as the illusion disperses and we are back on the sim deck.
But even as we begin to pick out individuals such as Sereth, there is a tremendous explosion that cuts down all of us. Fortunately my exoskeleton is not as frail as many of my comrades and I am less hurt than others. The bosun and Sereth are hurt along with others in their entourage, three cadets amongst the other crew are seriously hurt and Pablo takes some time stabilising them.
I can discern Mr Blip calling for medics and Sereth is telling the bosun that he sensed that his illusion was infiltrated somehow. Elethiel and Miken now find some strange jagged metal discs embedded in the walls, discs that bear a peculiar sigil. The bosun and Sereth are aghast: ‘Vocath’ she hisses. ‘Mercan’s grudge against Mirt has become a vendetta.’ And on that literal bombshell…
In other news we and one other crew are awarded 6 or 7 points for the test that mean that our training is complete. (Yes we got 7, yay us!!!) We would have scored 9 but the damage we suffered penalised our score. We are all awarded 100GP, Miken punches the air when our score of 7 is announced; how I miss the shy bashful nerd we met earlier today… We level up, second level spells for me at last.
18.6.22
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