Pirate Paradise Penetrated
We cautiously advanced down the pirates’ back passage, our weapons at the ready. Ahead we could hear voices murmuring and Puderillo scouting discovered a chamber with goblins slaving away working on a giant mast, guarded by several, well guards. An exit opposite served to tantalise and we decided to take the ‘bluff our way through’ approach, having actually made a point of remembering the password.
Ok, that went reasonably well with our challenge accepted and correctly answered, however our demands to be allowed through were denied by the pesky jobsworth guards. Taking advantage of my captainly neckerchief I made inspection of the facilities and was forced to discipline one inattentive guard. As he performed a very slovenly set of press ups I ordered the guards slaughtered and my somewhat surprised colleagues complied,* quickly bringing a state of terminal deceasement to the unhappy detachment.
*Mind you on balance I think the guards were even more surprised
We then turned to the goblins and a little interrogation by our horde inclined party members revealed that these were employees of the famed venture co* engaged in the construction of the ogre designed Juggernaut that would be the Van Cleef’s weapon to destroy the city of Stormwind. The goblins had explosive collars designed to encourage obedience and discourage backchat and escape attempts, these operated at the whim of the chief engineer and when they went off resulted in a fairly permanent and P60 free method of leaving the employ of Venture Corps.**
* Venture Co, No scam too Low, No swindle too mean.
** Such leavers infact became Venture corpses
Learning that the guards we had recently terminated were resident here and therefore no shift change was likely any time soon, we decided to invite the enemy to us; specifically the engineer who would investigate any collar malfunction. Horban valiantly volunteered to engineer the fault to lure the enemy in and we gave him the thumbs up* to proceed. In a superb effort the human achieved our purpose, detonating the collar and creating an interesting puree of goblin brains at the same time.
*Possibly an unfortunate choice of words on my part
Plainsweaver dipped Horban’s thumb in the culinary masterpiece and pronounced it excellent before with some skilful surgery re attaching the said digit to Horban’s somewhat distressed hand.* Horban was a little well shocked by this incident and his mental stability may not be what it was, but hey, some you win…
*Despite the marvellous repair work Horban’s hitchhiking days may well be over.
On the up side, the tactic worked exactly as planned apart from that minor detail, although the engineer arrived with an entourage substantially more adequate than we had hoped; namely about eight guards including two blood order mages identified by their formidable looking staff weapons.
In my Defias Captain Persona I subtly charmed the engineer pretending to invite him to examine the goblin remains, however his guards declined to disarm themselves* even when ordered to do so at my bidding, but it did again buy us the element of surprise and we attacked the interlopers, overwhelming them with our superior ruthlessness, brutality and my cone of cold wand.
*I believe their precise words were that they were disinclined to acquiesce to my request. Pirates eh?
Loot was disappointing, especially as the Blood Order staves were only temporarily enchanted but we learned much about the complex beyond from our charmed prisoner including details of some key personalities of the populace. I also obtained a Blood Order codex which merits some further study when we have a quiet moment. The goblin engineer also had a very interesting button which we couldn’t resist pushing, especially at Horban’s urging. The button detonated the explosive collar of every goblin in the mines and what jolly fun pressing that button was, after all, our experience of goblin treachery, especially by those employed by Venture Co has been substantial.*
* Our actions here have been harshly judged by some but hey, war is hell, ok?
Personalities Listed for our attention were:
Mr Smite, Tauren, right hand of Van Cleef.
A two headed ogre named Thrug.
Forgemaster Galleywix.
Cookie the (Swedish?) Chef.
Admiral Ripsnal Morgen.
Morgoth, Leader of the Blood Order.
Mr Smite then arrived to introduce himself personally, bringing with him a large band of what can only be described as pirates. We deployed the engineer with deceit in mind but he snapped the engineer’s neck in a deplorable act of savagery. We duly engaged, despite the difficulty of reaching him and Lutzbar did great work with her ferocity and I with my cone of cold. So much so that the GM had to furnish Mr Smite with some very unsporting healing potions during the battle.
Smite had a range of weapons and a bellow that actually stunned us for short periods, usually whilst he swigged illicit healing elixir or swapped weapons. He whirled like a dervish with a pair of scimitars, had a brutal mace and a battle axe that was so effective that every hit with it threatened critical injury.
Smite finally fell impaled through the posterior region by Horban’s deadly sickle in an injury so terrifyingly disturbing that
a) The Defias fell back at full speed
b) Horban had another of his seizures
c) Mr Smite finally expired
d) Horban decided that his sickle should be retired and presumably it remains entombed in Smite’s colon for the rest of time.
We declined to follow up immediately as many of us had suffered injury and whilst we healed some judicious cautious reconnaissance by Puderillo revealed that the Juggernaut lay in dock so to speak in the next chamber, bristling with cannon and pirates of th e non comedic variety. Further cannons mounted on the jetty were decidedly pointing in our direction.
I heroically decided that I alone could slip through undetected to the far side of the chamber and when we were ready I did so, skirting the vast near complete ironclad airship until I reached a vantage point on a watchtower. My being invisible was of great assistance in this daring exploit of course. From there I could see a top hatted admiral like figure and a black clad assassin type, almost certainly Van Cleef himself. I engaged with my fire wand bringing down a powerful pillar of fire on the vessel spreading death and confusion.
This was the signal for the rest of the party to flame arrow the quayside cannon detonating gunpower there, tearing a gap in the jetty. I now summoned imps, who apparently leaping futilely into the water between me and the ship sent up clouds of steam adding a handy smoke screen. The party ran for their lives, nearly all of them falling in as they failed to clear the gap in the jetty, but in the confusion all were pulled clear and I added another pillar of fire to add to the destruction and chaos on the pirate vessel .
We withdrew through an exit and wheeled a cannon into position to block pursuit before proceeding beyond. We found ourselves the mines and we passed collarless goblins digging out gold and patrols of Defias and Blood order mages. Eventually we found an exit guarded by a pair of ogres, who refused us access despite our use of the password. They eventually let us through when I produced the Blood order codex which seemed to encourage them to revise their opinion of us and we entered the realm of Galleywix.
The Goblin Forgemaster was susceptible to charm and filled us in on a great many interesting facts, principal of which was that Venture Co were swindling the Defias, carrying out the construction of the Juggernaut for their own purposes. The power crystal of the ship would kill all personnel aboard when triggered, leaving the goblins the ship, the mines and a better share price.
We also learned that the collared goblins were plague victims and so no great loss to anyone really and our act of mass murder had clearly been a philanthropic gesture of Geldorfian proportions. We explored the possibility of triggering the device now to destroy the pirates, but sadly could not hit upon a fool proof way of protecting ourselves from the effects. We decided to leave therefore and our charmed and less than charming host provided us with a guide who took us up through the mines to emerge a day later in the Defias township on the surface.
So the pirates have taken a bloody nose, lost some key personnel and are headed for a date with destruction that will substantially dent Van Cleef’s plans of revenge and world domination. Opinion is divided on whether to return and loot with the blood order still intact and formidable numbers remaining, or to return to Kerry with the intelligence.
19.1.13
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