Combined Unified Necronic & Terrific Roleplay Awards 2015
The awards were presented 7.3.15
These are the tenth awards in the sequence that began with the Power Behind the Throne Awards in 2006. There then followed four years of TOSS awards, the Doomstone awards of 2011, the RIPAs, and the NACKERS. This year the second annual CUNTRAs, the Combined Unified Necronic and Terrific Roleplay Awards, awards that of course span both 40k and roleplay activities.
This year, Kravaine has arranged for the first time media coverage by the BBC, and in the awards will feature in a landmark broadcast by her brother, so don’t forget to tune in to John Kravaine’s Newsround.*
*Readers laughing at this joke are warned: 1) Sort your sense of humour out 2) You need to be careful about revealing your advanced years in public
Most Deadly Opponent since last years CUNTRAs.
Since February 2014 the Necrons have played 42 times against 8 different armies controlled by 4 different opponents resulting in 18 wins, 2 draws and 22 losses.
In reverse order our most deadly opponents, incredibly none of which featured in last years roll call of shame:
Tau 5 losses
Tyranids 5 losses
Dark Eldar 8 losses
And our most frequent victims, again in reverse order:
Blood Angels 3 wins
Tau 6 wins
Dark Eldar 11 wins
The Dark Eldar have displaced the Blood Angels as our favourite victims and the Tau are the new entry here.
But in terms of players, we have been least successful against
Geoff Won 52% Drawn 11% Played 21
Phil Won 33% Drawn 0% Played 3
Toby Won 18% Drawn 9% Played 11
And Most successful against
Phil Won 33% Drawn 0% Played 3
Geoff Won 52% Drawn 11% Played 21
Sam Won 53% Drawn 6% Played 17
Note some of the figures may appear confusing, but this reflects games where we have faced multiple opponents.
Moving on to Roleplay:
The Allerzoi campaign ended on the 17th January after a mere 100 months. The Eastern European Zombie apocalypse is meanwhile in its early days.
Most Stupid Award
Saladin for waking the blue dragon at Stephan D’Amberville’s tomb. (Jumping on its head seemed to him to be the smart move at the time apparently)
Saladin refusing to return Stephan D’Amberville’s crown
Eldras failing to run like hell after opening a door on a hydra in the Ghost Tower of Inverness. (He shut it and decided to walk away. Let’s just say the door and indeed adjacent walls presented no obstacle to the hydra when it decided to follow him.)
In the skeleton pool room in the Halls of Ryzek, Ripven tested to see if the ceiling trapdoor trap has been disarmed by deliberately walking under them. Luckily they had.
Saladin, who leapt onto the back of a flying gargoyle attacking the party as they crossed the water filled cavern on the chain of pillars in the Halls of Ryzek
Barakor who pulled out the rod of lordly might that was supporting the balcony above and was then surprised when it fell on his head.
And the winner is Ripven, after all, whilst many of the above acts were incredibly stupid, relying on the skills of Eldras as a thief was unbelievably stupid.
The ‘And Then All My Armour fell off’ Award*
*With apologies to the late, great Kenny Everitt and the equally great Cupid Stunt.
Ripven who lost his armour and then shield in two separate encounters with rust monsters in the Ghost Tower of Inverness.
Saladin who lost his costly golden armour in one of the same encounters
Eldras who allowed Magdalene D’Amberville to remove his armour for nefarious purposes
Vladivar Gobritsin, whose attempts to seduce Pavlova, sorry Petrova and Hollylicious were spectacularly unsuccessful
And the winner, well he loved that armour so much it was just a pleasure to witness its destruction: Saladin.
Most Amusing Moment
Roscoe leaping from pillar to pillar in the Halls of Ryzek only to discover that one extended from floor to ceiling but the top half had been turned invisible. Splat!
Ryzek again and Holly tested the depth of a pool by stepping into it performing a great impression of the great Oliver Hardy in ‘Way Out West’.
Holly with Saladin riding her* leapt onto a pillar only to discover it was made of flimsy balsa wood and designed to collapse under any weight, pitching the pair into the water filled cavern below.
*In tiger form alright?**
**NO NOT LIKE THAT. ***
***I thought the first footnote clarified the matter but you lot…
Kravaine heroically wiping out the Argorian wormkin infestation in the Halls of Ryzek, unfortunately killing five party members owing to rebounding lightning in a confined space.*
*You should see her with termites; still some of those Wormkin had more than 6 hit points, so they were pretty formidable
Saladin’s Quote after kicking down a door: ‘One does not simple walk into More doors’
The winner, for classic, timeless slapstick: Holly.
Most Cowardly Moment
Roscoe, nominated a record 71 times, throughout.
Eldras heroically hiding in a chest to void the Argorian wormkin
Eldras the manly takes it.
The Most Cursed Award
Kravaine, turned into a fly trapped in Amber reading a cursed scroll
Gareth, who spent 500 years as a dog before we removed his curse
Gareth, discovering that when attempting to draw his dagger from the boot sheath on his boots of speed it jammed in the sheath and stuck to his hand.
And our lovely spell caster takes it.
Most Useless Assistance Award
Kravaine, seeking to combat the Fire Giant in the Ghost Tower brilliantly producing a very helpful 12’ rowing boat from her robe of useful items
Kravaine, following that with a lovely bay window in her efforts to find a way through the waterfall on level two in the Halls of Ryzek
Roscoe, again nominated 71 times, throughout.
Well whilst Roscoe showed consistency, the judges went for style and Kravaine takes it.
Last year in a pioneering moment for these awards, for the first time an award was presented unrelated to any form of gaming. (The Escape from Scotland award). This year we present two awards unrelated to the great games:
The Most Promising Two Year Old
Nominated here was Neevenya, but she was disqualified despite a precocious and eye catching attempt to win the judges over with a carefully placed head butt on Geoff. Sorry, a correction from the gallery there, a nose butt. But she’s not two yet, still, good effort.
Also nominated, for his superb two year old mentality, Saladin.
But the winner, and a deserved one too, Holly. The dog, not the character.
The next award we cannot mention as it would be such a give away as to the identity of the winner. Rarely have the judges seen so clear and definitive a winner and had so little excuse for debate.
Suffice to day that nominated in alphabetical order, were myself, Kev, Phil, Sam and Toby. The award was in the field of beardiness, and the clear cut winner, sporting a growth so magnificent that it has been given a name of its own, Sam, who takes the ‘Beardee with a Growth Most Closely Resembling a German Lesbian’s Bush’ Award.
So well done to Sam and Helga, just think Sam, when you reflect in old age on the many great achievements of your life, most of which let’s face it, lie ahead of you, I like to think that this one will have a very special place in your heart.
Most Sucking Up to the DM
Gained Most EPs since last awards
Barakor 110,982
Most EPs awarded in the campaign
Barakor 125,116
Most successful original character *
Kravaine 117,010
*Only Kravaine, Roscoe and Zionestes were ever present.
The final award is the one voted for by everyone. The CUNTRA for the best and presumably smuggest player of the year. We present the
Best Award for the Strongest, Toughest And Richest* Dungeoneer
*I mention richest as bribery was an option that disappointingly no one took up despite my very low bribery threshold YET AGAIN.
Joint last with no votes: Roscoe, Kravaine, Hollylicious, Eddie, Harley.
Next with one vote: Vladivar, Petrova, Barakor, Holly, Ripven, Eldras.
With two votes and therefore recipient of the BASTARD: Saladin
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